Daily Project

My project today was two leather chairs in the family room. One of them is right by the front door to the house, so everything gets dumped there: backpack, diaper bag, purse, camera bag, mail, etc. The other one had newspapers, toys, papers, crayons and other miscellaneous clutter there. It took me 20 minutes to clean off both chairs. I thought it would only take a couple of minutes, but I was wrong.

As for my desk, it is still clean and organized. I know it's only been two days since I organized it, but it would usually be a mess again by now. I have to have the front left corner to put stuff that I need all the time, like my planner, cell phone, pad of paper.

As for the family room floor, I have said the phrase, "Pick that up and put it away," approximately 1,000 times today. Every time I turn around one of the kids has dropped at least five things on the floor. Every time I had to go in the bathroom I would come out and it's like they had a free-for-all while I was in there. I would set my timer for five minutes and say, "Anything left on the floor when the timer goes off goes in the garbage," so they would hurry and pick up everything, only to have it all back on the floor within 30 seconds. Very frustrating. I realize it's a training process for all of us to learn to pick our stuff up, so I'm not getting mad about it, but I am being strict.

Everybody's Doing It

Today is the first time I've heard that phrase from one of my kids. Carson said it today when I questioned something he was doing. Luckily all "it" was was to take a bottle of water, poke a hole in the lid and squirt the water out and into his mouth instead of taking the lid off to drink it. What a relief.

Daily Project

My project for the day was the family room floor. There were scribbled on papers and toys and shoes everywhere. It took me 30 minutes to pick it all up and then vacuum. I wanted to do more today but this morning I went on a field trip with Carson's class, then this afternoon I had to work, but just as I was dropping the kids of at my mom's house my job cancelled so I turned around and went back home. Then tonight my mother-in-law invited me to a get-together at her house and it was late when I got back. Before I left for the evening I gave strict instructions that the two things that were not to be messed up tonight were my desk and the floor. Everyone heard me. Everyone said, "Okay." When I got home there were scribbled on pieces of paper and a few toys on the ground. Of course all the kids were in bed so I asked Mike, "Why is there crap all over the floor? I said I want it clean." So he said, "I told the kids to pick it up but they didn't." So I said, "Well, when I'm gone you are responsible for the kids so if they don't do you it have to." So he picked up everything. This is why our house stays cluttered, because I clean it and everyone else messes it up. When it is 4 versus 1 (5 versus 1 if I count Spot and his shedding), my odds aren't very good. At least everything is clean now. I just have to nag more and make people listen to what I say instead of just ignoring me. It's very frustrating.

Works For Me Wednesday

The thing that works for me is that I take a camera everywhere, and I do mean everywhere, I go. When we're going to a family party or an important function (like a school program or Christmas party) I like to take my whole camera bag, which has a video camera, a 35 mm camera, a digital camera and all of the film, memory cards, batteries and chargers I might need. If we're going somewhere where taking that bag isn't feasible, then I will take my 35mm camera in its bag with extra film and batteries. I like my 35mm because it takes excellent pictures and has a lot of features so I take that one most places I go with my kids. I keep my digital camera in its bag, along with an extra battery and memory card, in my purse so I always have it with me. That way I'm never without a camera, and I can show off pictures of my kids since they are viewable on the camera. Sometimes if I don't want to carry a purse I will put my digital camera in the front pocket of my 35mm camera bag and just carry it over my shoulder. That way I have those two cameras handy. I never want to be without a camera because you never know when you might come upon a great photo opportunity, especially with kids. Always having a camera with me works for me.

Check out more great tips at Rocks in my Dryer.

Example of the Chaos

My phone just rang, at least the base did. We haven't been able to find our phone for a few days and obviously the battery is dead because we can't page it. It's not that big of a deal because anyone who wants to talk to us will call our cell phones if we don't answer the regular phone and we can make calls on our cell phones. Then my cell phone rang. It was my friend and business partner. We were talking for a while and then my phone died. Still not a big deal. Our phones die all the time and we just call each other back from a different phone. The big problem: I can't call her back from my home phone because I can't find it, and my cell phone is dead and I can't find the charger. It's here somewhere. I'm sure my friend is wondering what's going on. The frustration is never ending.

Confessions of a Perfectionist Gone AWOL

My house is a mess. My schedule is a mess. My finances are a mess. My job is a mess. I know it doesn't make sense for me to call myself a perfectionist and yet have everything (except my relationships, thank goodness) in my life be such a mess. The way it happens is because if something can't be perfect, then I kind of give up on it. I think to myself, "If I can't make it perfect, then why waste the time on it?" I have known this about myself for a number of years but haven't done anything about it, until now. Participating in Tackle It Tuesday yesterday jump started something in me. As of yesterday, I AM TAKING CONTROL OF MY LIFE.

Everything stems from my house being so cluttered and messy. Every major room in our house gets cleaned once a week, but after I get a room cleaned, it takes approximately two hours for it to get cluttered up again. At least it is clean, it's just messy. Everything else, my time, our finances, my job, all suffer because of it. I can never find anything so I am always stressed out and late to everything (except work). We pay bills late a lot and our credit has suffered all because I don't have a budget and a system down for paying bills. I am always stressed out about work because I can never find papers when I need them so I waste a lot of time looking through piles of paper. I waste so much time digging through clutter, and that is time I would much rather spend with my kids.

I have decided to make a goal for myself (with help from my family...they're going to get tired of me nagging) to get our household in order. Once everything is organized, everything else will fall into place. I've given myself a goal of being totally done by the time school for the kids starts in the fall. I have a few resources at my fingertips, so I'm not just flying by the seat of my pants. I have a couple of organizing books written by Julie Morgenstern that I will refer to. I've read them before, years ago, and implemented some of the ideas but didn't stick with it. I have the FlyLady website with all of its tips and the Yahoo Group with her daily e-mail reminders. I have the Tackle It Tuesday blog carnival that I will participate in and get tips from and be inspired by. I have also discovered a few blogs about organizing, such as Creative Organizing, I'm an Organizing Junkie, It's Not About Your Stuff and The Lazy Organizer. I know there are more that I will find, too. I figure with all this help I can't possibly fail.

What I'm going to do is do at least one organizing project a day. I will take a picture of every before and after for my own use but will not post a picture every day. It's one thing to describe the mess but entirely another to let people see every nook and cranny of the clutter. I do have to say that with Mike being a locksmith he goes to peoples' houses a lot and said there are a lot worse houses than ours, so that makes me feel better. I will document everything I did and keep track of the time. I want to see how long it actually takes to do this. It might be scary, but if I realize how long it takes to get everything in order, I will know not to let it get messy again because all of the time spent organizing can be spent doing something fun for myself or with my kids.

The thing I need to hammer into my brain is that just because my house isn't big, just because it needs some work (that costs a lot of money) to make it look better, just because we don't have all brand new, fashionable furniture, just because our yard needs some expensive work done in it, just because our cars aren't the latest models that we can still make things look good with a little bit of effort. The rest of the stuff may take years to get done, but that's okay. It's not the end of the world. I can live with that stuff for a while. Hell, we've been living with it for 16 years since we moved into this house. At first we didn't want to put a lot of money into this house because it was going to be our starter home; however, after realizing how much houses cost, the fact that ours will be paid for in less than two years (leaving us more money every month to fix it up and go on some cool family vacations), the fact that we love this area (even if the houses are small), the fact that we love our kids' school, we realized we are going to live here until Amaya graduates from high school, which will be in 2023 (damn I'm going to be old). We might as well start putting what money we can afford and a little elbow grease into this house to make it a house we love instead of a house we tolerate.

Enough about my whining about my miserable house, I am going to get by butt in gear and do a project. If anyone has any great organizing tips, I'm happy to hear them. It's going to be a long summer.

I Need a New Purse...

...and I would love for it to be this one. There is a contest to win it at Pinks and Blues Blog. I love purses and this one is fabulous.

Tackle it Tuesday

This is my first time participating in Tackle It Tuesday. I think it is a great idea to tackle something you need to do at least once a week. Unfortunately, my whole house needs tackled. It it my goal to get my house and life totally organized over the summer so when school starts we can have a more relaxed, uncluttered school year and life. I am tired of being stressed out just from being unorganized. I am going to tackle at least one thing every single day, even if it is just one drawer or one shelf. If I don't do at least one thing a day I will never make it by the time the summer is over. I will try to do a bigger project for Tuesdays as I participate in Tackle It Tuesdays. I love reading about other people's jobs they are tackling and I get ideas from others' experiences. I decided to do this because I need to be held accountable. It is going to be embarrassing to post pictures of my messes, but I think it will help me to stick with it. Besides, from what I've seen on the internet, I'm not the only one with messes as bad as I have.

This week I decided to tackle my desk. Since our house is small, my desk is in the family room and easily accessible to everybody. I work there. I go on the internet there. The kids play computer games there. Everybody in the family sets stuff there when they are in too big a hurry or too lazy to put something away. It is the drop-off spot for everyone. Well, that ends today. My desk is now clean and it is going to stay that way. Already I've had two kids try to set stuff on it and leave it there. It is going to take a while for everyone to get in the habit of not messing my desk up, so I will have to be a nag about it for a while.

So, here are the embarrassing pictures of my desk, cluttered beyond belief:

Some of the interesting things I found that shouldn't be there are: a golf ball, dead flowers that have been there for about a week, stuffed snakes that I took away from the kids because they were whipping each other with them, an empty Big Gulp, an empty Dr. Pepper bottle, a bag of my daughter's hair ties and a few rocks.

I set my timer for 15 minutes because that's how long I thought it would take. It ended up taking 1 hour and 45 minutes. The reason for that is because I decided to organize all the cd's and floppy disks (yes, I am required to still use floppies for work). There were a bunch of program cd's, computer games, and worst of all, numerous cd's and a few floppy disks that didn't have labels on them. I had to go through and put each one in the computer, see what was on it, either copy it onto my computer and erase the cd or just throw it away. That was very time consuming, but it was worth it. Then I went out a cut a couple of roses, so I have fresh flowers instead of dead flowers.

Hopefully, having my desk cleaned off will let me work more efficiently, let the kids play computer games without getting into my stuff, and help our family room look much neater.

Here are the after pictures:

See Spot Run

I realized today that although I had introduced everyone in our family, I left out one important family member. I think I subconsciously did it because to me he is more of a pain in the ass than a family member at this point. His name is Spot. Carson and Hayden named him, and even though that is a very unoriginal name, and every time we tell someone what his name is they kind of chuckle in a that's-the-dumbest-name-I've-ever-heard sort of way, we felt it was important for our dog to be named Spot because Carson and Hayden were so proud of the name that THEY picked out on their very own because he has spots and it fits him so perfectly. His nickname is Spotty, according to the boys. I do feel guilty about not feeling all lovey-dovey about Spot, but he is a royal pain to deal with. I would love nothing more than to have him lay by me in bed (after he's had a bath, of course) and cuddle with me while I watch TV at night after the kids have gone to bed, but it's impossible. Believe me, I've tried on several occasions. This dog does not have an OFF button, except when he is in his crate. I really feel guilty when I look in his cute puppy face with those cute puppy eyes, until he jumps up and tries to gouge my eyes out with his sharp, razor-like puppy teeth. Of course, he's just playing, but it's not the kind of play I like.

Mike and I first got a dog in 1991, right after we bought our house. I wanted a dog before that, but Mike convinced me that it wasn't practical in an apartment and I finally agreed. Three months after we bought our house he adopted Sammie from the Humane Society. Of course, since we didn't have kids yet he was like our kid. We took him everywhere. He slept in our bed sometimes (after he'd had a bath). After we were married we even had arguments over who would get to keep Sammie if we ever got divorced. Sammie died in 2003 right before Thanksgiving. It was very sad. Carson was devastated. Hayden didn't care because he was too young. Ever since Sammie died I had thought of getting another dog, but it was kind of nice not having one since it eliminated a lot of work, especially with two kids also.

Last summer we went on a family reunion and Mike's cousin and his wife and kids brought their dog, Chance, along. Our kids loved that dog and wouldn't stay away from it. We decided it might be time to get a dog for the kids. I always had pets growing up and I think it is great for kids to have a dog to play with and take care of. I have great childhood memories with my pets. Anyway, we decided to get a dog for Christmas. We wanted to get one from the Humane Society, and we couldn't work out the logistics of having Santa Claus bring a dog for the kids, so Mike and I just went and found Spot and brought him home a few weeks before Christmas as an early present. He was four months old at the time.

The kids loved him, until he started biting them with his puppy teeth. Then they were scared of him. They got used to him and he started biting less and less. We just had to explain that he wasn't biting to be mean, it's just the way he played. Since then the kids and Spot get along great. He has calmed down a lot with them, even though he is still hyper. He has just learned not to jump and bite every second of the day.

For me getting used to him has been a little harder. For one thing, I am much more of a germ freak than I was when we had Sammie. I don't like Spot going out to go to the bathroom and then come and sit on the carpet, so he stays off the carpet mostly. Also he will go roll in the dirt and then I don't want to pet him because he is dirty. I would love to hug him and pet him and roll around with him, but a dog just seems so dirty to me. I wish there was a way to keep him sparkling clean every minute. I did see some dog wipes at the pet store that I want to get just to wipe him down every day. I was thinking about all of this today and decided I just need to suck it up and try not to be too paranoid about the germs.

Besides being dirty here is a list of other annoying things about Spot: he is a spaz, he still jumps on people, he still bites when he plays, he digs up our backyard, he chews up anything and everything he can find in our backyard, if we let him in the front yard off the leash he won't come when called, he is a total freak if we try to take him to Petco, he is a total freak when I take him to the vet, he is somewhat of a freak when he goes for walks, and I'm sure there are other things I just can't think of right now. He obviously needs obedience training, which I am looking into.

After I was thinking how guilty I feel about the lack of attention I give him, I gave him a bath today, which he really needed, and then I took him outside to play in the front yard with a very long leash. I brought a bunch of treats with me and was trying to make him mind. He did pretty good, although he did get out of control a few times. I worked on having him sit and come when I called. Of course I had the leash on him the whole time so he wouldn't take off. He was doing so well that I took the leash off and had him come when I called and when he did I gave him a treat. A couple of times he started running uncontrollably but when I called and showed him a treat he would come. After we played with the leash off for a few minutes he actually came to me and I put it back on and brought him inside.

Maybe all he needs is more attention from me, since I'm the one that sees him the most. Everyone else gives him a lot of attention, but I'm the person he is around the most. After today I feel a lot better about our relationship. I just need to set aside my fear of germs and give him lots of loves, even when he's a dirty, stinky mess.

Bathroom Adventures

This is the kind of thing that happens when a family of five, who are all trying to get ready in the morning to leave at the same time, has only one bathroom.

Scene: Master Bedroom (or the closest thing we have to one):

Mike: Are you going to take a shower this morning?

Dawn: Yes.

Mike: Do you want to go first or do you want me to?

Dawn: I want to because I need time for my hair to dry.

Mike: I need to soak in the bathtub in warm water because I pulled my groin playing softball and I can't walk very well until I soak for a while.

Dawn: You're old.

(Mike goes upstairs first while Dawn gets her clothes ready.)

Scene: Bathroom.

Dawn (after coming up the stairs and hearing water running in the bathtub and finding Mike naked leaning over the bathtub getting it ready): I SAID I WAS GOING TO SHOWER FIRST BECAUSE I NEED TIME FOR MY HAIR TO DRY!

Mike: Well, I need to soak first or else I can't walk. I'll hurry.

Dawn: You better.

Scene: Bathroom - 20 minutes later:

Mike: Do you want to shower now or can I shave? (note: he's kidding, right?)

Dawn: I AM GOING TO SHOWER NOW! I NEED TIME FOR MY HAIR TO DRY.

Dawn gets in the shower and is in there for 10 seconds when the following occurs:

Mike (opening the door and coming in with Hayden, and he's still naked): Hayden needs to take a dump.

Dawn: Oh, great.

Hayden (while sitting on the toilet): Dad, how come your weiner is all hairy?

Mike: My weiner is not all hairy.

Hayden: Yes, it is. Look. Right there.

Mike: That hair is not on my weiner. It's around it.

Hayden: Oh.

Hayden finishes up, Mike wipes Hayden's butt, Hayden washes his hand, Mike hands Dawn a towel and Mike and Hayden leave the bathroom. Dawn finally gets the bathroom to herself for....5 seconds.

Carson (entering the bathroom): I need to go poo.

Dawn (gagging from the odor Hayden left behind): Great.

Dawn starts to get dressed as fast as she can to avoid smelling Hayden's feces, but accidentally looks over at Carson on the toilet and sees a huge, gross turd in the toilet and just about pukes. She runs out of the bathroom as fast as she can and into Hayden's bedroom to finish dressing. Then, she must run into the bathroom again, holding her breath, to grab her hair products. As she runs back out, Mike enters the bathroom again to shave, not caring about the horrible stench that permeates the air. Dawn finishes getting ready in the family room and has to wait for an hour until the bathroom airs out to go back in and brush her teeth. Unfortunately, this scene will be repeated many times in the future and will only get worse when Amaya is old enough to need the bathroom.

What Works For Me

What works for me is my timer. I use my timer for everything. I use it when I cook, of course, to let me know how long something needs to cook. I use it when my kids are in time out so I don't forget they are in time out or so they don't try to sneak out early. I use it when I clean to limit myself to a certain amount of time to get a task done, usually 15 minutes to 30 minutes. I use it when I work at home so I make sure I get enough work done each day. I use it when I want my kids to help out around the house. They do better if I say, "I am setting the timer for 15 minutes and I want you to clean as much of your room as you can and then you can take a break." Instead of sitting in their rooms wasting time, they actually try to beat the timer. I use it when I want them to pick up their outside toys or pick up their toys from the family room. I use it when I do laundry. I have the buzzer turned off on my dryer because when it goes off it is so loud it will wake up any kids that may be sleeping, so I use my timer instead and when I hear it go off I know it's time to change the laundry. It just helps me keep track of my time better. I actually bought my kids their own timers that are the dial kind that are on ropes so they can hang them on their door handle or their dresser or anywhere else so they can see it easily. My timer is a digital one that I can clip on my pocket or my shirt so it is with my while it's on so I don't accidentally leave it in another room and not hear it go off. My timer is also the type you can set for a certain amount of time and after it goes off and you stop it it automatically re-sets itself at the same amount of time. That feature comes in handy because usually the increment I use is 15 minutes so I don't have to re-set it every time. Using my timer all day long works for me to help keep me on track and not waste time.

Go to Rocks in my Dryer for more great tips.

Amaya's Adoption Story

We adopted her in August of 2005 at the age of 10 months from China. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I think when you get pregnant and have a baby (excluding people who have gone through infertility problems because I don't think they take anything for granted) you kind of take the whole experience for granted. After all, you don't have to get anyone's permission to have a baby. You don't have to be approved to have a baby. You don't have to be extensively interviewed by a social worker to have a baby. You don't have to be approved by your own government and a foreign government to have a baby. The international adoption process was the most grueling, emotional and wonderful experiences I've ever had. I used to think that people who couldn't have "their own" kids and had to adopt loved their kids, but that it wouldn't be the same as having "their own" kids. I thought that parents who adopted kids and had biological kids would love all of them, but that there would be a slight difference between the adopted and the biological kids. Boy, was I wrong about that, I'm happy to admit. From the second I decided I wanted to adopt a little girl from China, I knew I would love that little girl just as much as I love my boys. I have loved her from the second she became just an idea in my head.

Mike and I had never even thought about adopting. We had our two boys and I still could get pregnant, as far as I know. We always said we would only have two kids no matter. Two just seemed like a good, even number. I knew we would have two boys just because that's the way my husband's family is. The men in that family cannot make girls. I accepted the fact that I would never have a daughter and I was totally okay with that. In fact, I loved my boys so much and thought they were so cute that I even thought to myself that even if I did get pregnant again, for whatever reason, maybe I would want another cute little boy. I did say that if there was any way to get pregnant and guarantee it would be a girl that I would. Of course, that isn't possible, so we were happy with our two cute boys.

One day at work a lady I knew who had adopted two daughters from China was telling me and another lady that she was in the process of adopting another one. She was showing us some pictures on the internet of some beautiful little girls, and a few boys, who had been adopted from China. Then she looked at me and said, "You should do this." I said, "No. We already have two kids and we are not having any more." Then the other lady said to me, "Yeah, this would be a good way for you to get a girl." Well, the second she said that something clicked in my mind and I knew I wanted to adopt a little girl from China. I was obsessed from that moment on. I couldn't stay off the internet. I was constantly looking at the pictures the lady showed me and I was researching adoption agencies. I brought it up to Mike when he got home from work and showed him the pictures on the internet. He said, "We are only having two kids. Our house isn't big enough. We don't have enough money." Little did he know, but I had my mind set on this. It took me a few months to convince him that it would be a good idea. I had requested information from several adoption agencies and some of them sent videos. I made him watch them with me. The agency I thought looked to best wasn't in our state, but they just happened to be having an information meeting in a city about 45 minutes away from us so I convinced him to go to it. We had my mom babysit (although we wouldn't tell her why) and went to the meeting. The lady who was in charge of the meeting brought her two young daughters that had been adopted from China with her and I think that's what pushed Mike over the edge and made him think it would be a good thing for us to do. When we left he said, "I'm sure she brings those girls with her on purpose when she does that because they are so cute and it makes people want to do that." I'm sure she brought them on purpose, too, because after seeing them it's hard to say you wouldn't want to adopt a child that needs a home.

Our decision to adopt wasn't because we wanted to "save" a child. It was because we wanted a daughter and this was the only sure way to get a daughter. Even today when people say to me, "Oh, she's so lucky you adopted her," I think to myself, and have said to a few people, "No, we are the lucky ones to have her." I don't want people to think we adopted a child just to save one. We adopted her because we wanted to add to our family and that was the best way to do it at that particular time in our lives. I know some people question why people adopt internationally instead of from the U.S. For us that wasn't even a decision we had to make. From the second I even thought about adopting it was only from China. We didn't research any other options and didn't even think of anything else. It's weird, but it just sort of happened. Although since we have adopted Amaya if we were going to do it again (we're not) we would definitely do international again. I always thought I would want to adopt another girl from China, but I have also thought about Africa. I don't know why I even think about it because I know it is not going to happen, but it's fun to imagine doing it again.

As far as the adoption process, the paperwork took us four months to complete and get certified and authenticated. The funny thing was during the paperwork phase I was so worried something would come up that would keep us from adopting. When we had to get our physicals I was worried I might have something bad, like cancer, and that would prevent us from adopting. I was more worried about having cancer and having that prevent us from adopting than I was about having cancer and dying. Dying during that time period seemed preferable than being turned down to adopt. I was also worried something would come up on our criminal records to prevent us from adopting. Neither one of us had ever been arrested before, but that just proves how paranoid I was during the process. I was worried the social worker would think our house was too small, or too old, or not decorated nice enough. Luckily, she found everything acceptable. Getting all the paperwork done and sent off to our agency and finding out that everything was acceptable and was sent to China was a huge relief. Then came the wait.

Before I talk about the wait I want to talk about our friends' and families' reactions to the fact that we were adopting from China.

All of our friends were very excited about it. They were always asking questions about it and were so excited when we got our referral and even checked up on us while we were in China. They sent e-mails and looked at our web-site every day to see what we were doing. They have all been so great.

I was so excited to tell my mom because I thought she would be so excited. She was so excited when I had Carson and Hayden and she was so excited when my sister had her son. The day I told her I was so excited. I hadn't planned on telling her that day, but I couldn't wait any longer. We had already been in the process for a couple of months, but we were waiting to tell people until we were sure it was going to happen. We couldn't wait any longer, though. I was over at my mom's alone for some reason. I can't remember why, but I was going to eat dinner over there. I showed her a brochure from the agency we were using and told her that's what we were going to do. I started crying because I was so happy. She was totally against it. It is the only time I can honestly say my heart has been broken. My tears of joy turned to tears of sorrow in an instant. She wasn't against the fact that we were adopting. She wasn't against the fact that the baby would be Chinese. She was just against the fact that we would have another child. She thought we should only have two children. She thought our house was too small. She thought we couldn't afford it. All of the reasons she was against it had nothing to do with her, so it made no sense to me. After that day I tried to bring up the subject with her a few times and she just dismissed it. After that I didn't bring it up anymore. It was really sad to be in such an exciting time in my life and not be able to talk about it with my mom. I talked about it with everyone else but her for a few months. Finally one day I said something about when we go to China and she said, "I guess you expect me to keep Carson and Hayden while you go." And I said "No. They are coming with us and I was kind of hoping you would come, too, but since you're not too happy with the idea then I guess you don't want to." That kind of broke the ice and she told me it wasn't that she was against it, she just had some concerns, and that she would love to come with us. Ever since that moment she was totally into it and went shopping with me and helped us get ready for the trip and was really wonderful about it. She even cried with me many times out of happiness after that. It was a really weird few months when she wasn't happy about it, but I'm glad she snapped out of it. She went to China with us and has loved Amaya since she first saw the referral picture.

Mike's family was another story. I was really nervous about telling them because they are a little bit racist. Can you be a little bit racist, or is that like being a little bit pregnant, either you are or you aren't? The reason I say "a little bit racist" is because they are the type of people that will make racist remarks about people and tell racist jokes and think they are funny, but they would never be rude to someone of another race or call someone a racist name or make remarks in front of someone of another race and they are very accepting of friends of ours that are of another race. Mike even had a girlfriend that was Mexican for about three years and they just loved her. Anyway, I knew they (especially Mike's mom) would be excited to have a granddaughter, because there are no girls in Mike's family and she was always making comments about who was going to give her a granddaughter. I was just worried about the part of her granddaughter being Chinese, because I had heard her make rude racial remarks about Asian people before. But, when we told them about it, they were very excited. Mike's mom was ecstatic and when we went on the internet and showed her pictures of Chinese girls that had been adopted she couldn't get over how cute they were. Then she went wild buying girl clothes and toys. Mike's mom went with us to China and Mike's mom and dad love Amaya so much. Amaya really loves her grandpa and he will carry her around all day if she wants him to. Interestingly enough, I haven't heard them make any racist remarks since we brought Amaya home. Hopefully, she changed something in them.

It is just surprising that my expectations of our families' reactions was totally opposite of what I thought they were going to be. Luckily everyone in our families loves Amaya just as much as Carson and Hayden and doesn't treat her any differently. They all brag to their friends about how wonderful Amaya is and have pictures of her all over their houses. Now, I haven't mentioned my dad anywhere in this and that is because he is dead. But if he were alive I know he would have been very excited about Amaya and he definitely would have come to China with us and loved every minute of it. I am just sad that she never got to meet my dad. He was a wonderful grandpa.

Back to the wait. The wait was very hard. For us it was only six months from DTC (Dossier to China) until referral, but it seemed like forever. I know now that people are waiting a lot longer than that, 12 t0 18 months, maybe? We just lucked out by hitting the shortest referral times I think they've ever had. At least we had a lot to keep us busy during the wait. We had to get our house organized and clean out a room for the baby. Getting the room ready was really fun. I was never one for a lot of pink, but all the sudden the fact that I was going to have a daughter sent me over the edge and I painted the room pink. It is very cute. It was so fun picking out girl stuff. My mom and I went nuts shopping. Sometimes we would go to the mall and we'd have to purposefully pass by stores because we knew if we went in we would buy more stuff. My mom bought Amaya her first teddy bear, a soft, pink bear that Amaya loves to sleep with now. Also during the wait I discovered the Yahoo Groups. I would go on the Adoptive Parents China group. I learned a lot from the people on there, but I ended up not going on there so much after a while because I got tired of the fighting. It seems like there are a lot of overly sensitive people on there who have to rip on someone else no matter what they post. I got tired of seeing someone post their opinion on some regular subject, trying to help someone else out or just asking a question, and having them get ripped on. It's ridiculous. There is a lot of good information on there, if you can find it in between all the sniping at each other. I just ended up feeling sorry for people and sad about the whole thing instead of happy about going on there so I quit going on there. I still go on there once every three or four months to see what the current subjects are, but after reading a few posts I realize why I don't go on there much anymore. The other groups I joined were a DTC group for our month and a DTC group for our month specific to our agency. The people on those groups were so friendly and helpful and upbeat about everything. If someone had a problem or a question, there would be numerous people posting tips and trying to help them or just make them feel better. They were so supportive and just the type of groups you need when you are going through the wait. We also did some fun things on those groups. We did a Secret Buddy exchange where you would sign up and then each month there was a theme and you would get gifts from your Secret Buddy and you would send gifts to the person who had you as their Secret Buddy. It was so fun and it was just as fun to go pick out gifts to send as it was to get gifts every month. Another thing we did was exchange quilt squares for a 100 Wishes Quilt. Even now when I read the wishes that people sent it makes me cry. They are so sweet and loving. Of course, I had never made a quilt before, and still haven't, but I have all the squares and hope to make the quilt, or pay someone to make it, and then I will give it to Amaya when she is old enough to understand. I suggest to anyone going through the wait for an adoption to try to find a good supportive group and do some fun things like that. It helps the time go by and gives you some good memories.

When we finally got our referral it was just so strange to see that little girl and know she was ours. It was an unbelievable feeling. The day we got our referral was so hectic. Mike was at work. Mike's uncle was working on the baby's room. Me and Carson and Hayden were at home. I didn't dare get on the phone because we didn't have call waiting and I knew our agency was going to be calling so I didn't dare get on the phone and have them get a busy signal. I had my list of questions ready so when they called I would find out everything I needed. Every time the phone would ring I would run to check the caller ID and if it wasn't our agency I just let it ring and cursed whoever it was that they were tying up the phone line. When they finally called I was amazingly calm. They gave me all the information, answered the few questions I had and said they would e-mail a picture. Carson and I went to check the e-mail and it hadn't come yet. I didn't want to look at the picture without Mike there, but I wanted to make sure it was there before he came home from work. It still wasn't there. I called my agency and told them I didn't get it so they said they would send it again. Finally it came. Carson and I only scrolled down a teeny bit until we could see there was actually a picture there then stopped. I called Mike and he came home. When he got there Hayden was eating lunch and Mike, Carson and I went to look at the picture. We scrolled down and saw her. It was amazing to see her picture for the first time. Just as we were admiring our daughter, Hayden started screaming bloody murder. He had reached over to a bottle of something that was sitting on the kitchen table (I can't remember what it was or why it was there) and had opened it and dumped the liquid over his head. It was in his eyes and mouth. Me, Mike, Carson, Mike's uncle and his helper all ran to see what was the matter. I grabbed him up and took him to the bathroom and rinsed his eyes and then had to call his doctor to make sure whatever it was wasn't harmful and she said it wasn't, just to rinse his eyes out and if he had swallowed some it might make him have a tummy ache but it wasn't dangerous. It's a good thing our social worker couldn't see us at that moment. We really are carefully about keeping things out of the kids' reach. I think we were just so excited that day that we were not in our right minds. Anyway, everything worked out.

We spent the next month getting ready for the trip: shopping, packing, getting shots, getting visas, etc. Mike's mom, my mom, Carson, Hayden, Mike and I were excited to go to China. The only time I had ever been out of the country was to Mexico, and the places we went there were very touristy so it really wasn't like being in another country. I was so excited to go to China. We way over packed, and the six of us and our luggage looked like the circus coming to town. The only thing I forgot was my makeup. I am so unorganized that I am amazed we made it to China with everything we needed, especially all of our money and paperwork. The only things I would change would be to bring more clothes, less snacks and less toys for the kids. Every packing list we read said to only bring about four outfits each because you can have your laundry done there. What those lists didn't take into account was that you might feel like changing your clothes a couple times a day because in southern China in August it is extremely hot and humid and the second you walk out the door of the hotel you are drenched in sweat and stinking it up. We had a few days where we had to wear the same gross clothes two days in a row because everything else would be at the laundry. We tried to wash things in our room but it was so humid nothing would ever dry. We brought a lot of snacks and toys for the boys so they wouldn't be bored or hungry. We didn't need most of it. They went to the playroom in the hotel, watched TV or went to the park. The only toys they needed were their Gameboys and they were happy. Other than that, we were prepared for anything that might come up. We had plenty of medicine, which we ended up letting people in our group who didn't bring enough use, and plenty of baby supplies. The trip itself was amazing. We went to Hong Kong first for two days and it is an amazing place. Then we flew to Nanchang, Jiangxi, China where we got Amaya and stayed for six days. It was such a neat place. Nobody there speaks English and they are not used to seeing white people so when we would go out we got a lot of attention. Carson and Hayden were especially popular. The people were fascinated with them, especially Hayden with his blond hair and blue eyes. People wanted to get their picture taken with them. Carson was always willing, but Hayden didn't like all the attention. All in all the people were very sweet and friendly and the sites were amazing. Next we flew to Guangzhou for five days. It was such a nice hotel and everyone was very friendly. We did a lot of shopping and site-seeing. We even went to the zoo, which was fun, but very hot. We swam in the pool a lot to keep cool. Carson and Hayden were very good on the trip. I was worried about the plane ride, but they mostly slept or watched cartoons. I loved China and can't wait until we can go back. It was the most amazing trip I've ever been on. It has beautiful sites and friendly people.

Now the reason for all of this: Amaya. The first referral picture she looks a little goofy in, but the others are so cute. She looks different in them, but there are certain characteristics I can see in her face in all of them. It was weird having those pictures for over a month and knowing she was our daughter but not having her. I tried to imagine what she looked like and what she was doing. When it was time to get her we were in a big conference room in the hotel and they started bringing the babies in one by one. The first few babies were so cute and I was so excited to see their parents get them. Then it was our turn. After us, unfortuantely, I didn't pay attention to the rest of the people getting their babies and I feel kind of bad about that, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Amaya. She had a blue pacifyer in her mouth (which was permanently attached for the next four months) and just stared wide-eyed at us. She didn't cry. She just stared. She was very limp. I noticed that right from the beginning. She didn't move her legs at all, they just hung there. I was a little bit nervous about it. She had no muscle tone and couldn't even sit up on her own at 10 months old. She wouldn't put any weight on her legs. By the end of our trip and she had already made huge strides in using her muscles. Anyway, after everyone got their babies we stayed in the room for a few minutes admiring our beautiful babies. None of them were crying. Our rep said that he had never seen a group of babies (there were nine of them) that were handed over to their parents where none of them cried. He said usually there are a few that start crying and it triggers the others to cry and pretty soon there is a room full of crying babies. Then we went back to our rooms. The babies hadn't eaten for quite a while so they were hungry. We fixed Amaya a bottle and she scarfed it down. We just spent time holding her and talking to her. She didn't cry. She just stared and stared and stared. I have to admit that the first time I changed her diaper I got quite a shock. I mean, I knew she was a girl, obviously, but every time I had changed a diaper for the five years until that moment the first thing I would see when I opened the diaper was a penis. When I first opened her diaper I gasped. It scared me for a split second until I remember that she was a girl and wouldn't have a penis. It was a weird feeling. Anyway, we did get her to smile that night. Then she went to sleep like a little angel. For the next few days she was very quiet and stared at us a lot. She cried a few times, but only because she was hungry or wanted something. She didn't seem overly upset, just a little unsure of things. She bonded with us very quickly. The boys would play with her and make her laugh. The grandmas could hold her and play with her. It was very strange because it seemed as if she knew we were her parents right from the beginning. She would let the grandmas hold her, but she kept her eyes on us and if one of us walked by she would hold her hands out to us. It felt so natural to have her in our family. She fit in perfectly from the beginning. The rest of the trip was very smooth. Amaya was just perfect. I honestly think she bonded with us from the beginning and never had any bonding or attachment issues either in China or when we got home. She just seemed to adjust with no problem. Before we went to China we watched a video about attachment and bonding that our agency gave us. We also did a workbook that our social worker had us get. We were familiar with what things could happen. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. It felt like she had been with us forever. It still feels like that. I have read stories about and know people who have had some problems with bonding and attachment, and even though it was hard, it all worked out in the end with the children and parents bonding. I know in some cases it never works out, and I really have empathy for those parents and children. I feel very lucky that everything worked out very easily for us. I know that doesn't mean that it will always be easy. We don't know what we have in store for us when Amaya gets older and starts having feelings about how her life began and how she ended up with us, and all I can say is we will be there for her to help her through any problems she has.

I just think Amaya is very easy going and can adapt to things easily. She is very outgoing, but is very quiet around people until she feels comfortable with them. Once she gets to know someone, look out. She is very friendly and goofy and likes to tease. I hope she is always as accepting of her circumstances as she is now. Right now, at age two, she only knows us as her family. When the time comes that she knows her history, I hope that she can accept it and not let it make her sad or angry. I hope she knows that her birth family couldn't keep her, but they most likely loved her and that's why they left her in a place where she would be found. I hope she knows that her foster family in China loved her and that's why they took such good care of her. I hope she knows that we love her and are her family no matter how she beame a part of it. I hope that she knows that when people make stupid remarks about her being adopted or being a different race than her family that they most likely aren't doing it do be rude, they are just not knowledgable enough about the situation to be sensitive. I hope she can be proud of being Chinese and be proud of being an American and know that she is in a unique situation that makes her special. I hope she grows up to be a happy, healthy, well-adjusted woman that has a good self image and loves herself. I just hope the best for her in everything she does in her life and want to let her know that I will always be there for her no matter what.

When we got home she settled in just fine. She is totally part of our family and everyone loves her just as much if she'd been born to us. Honesty, if I somehow became blind and got amnesia, only blocking out the adoption procedure and trip to China, I would be convinced that I gave birth to her. I am so glad I overcame my misconceptions about people adopting not loving their adopted children as much as their biological children. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have my amazing, beautiful, funny, loving, smart, silly daughter.

I make sure I tell all my kids every day how much I love them and that I am the luckiest mom in the world to have all of them.

Amaya

Amaya is the youngest. She is two years old. She is so cute and funny and smart. She really is a goofball. She likes to make faces and talk in funny voices. She loves to make people laugh. She likes to color. She loves Elmo. She loves her dog. She loves her big brothers. She loves to cuddle and have lullabies sung to her. I think she has a photographic memory when it comes to words, because we will be out somewhere and she will point at something and say what it is and it will be something I never even knew she has seen before. I think she can be told what something is once, and always remember what it is. She loves to play outside, mostly just running and running. She loves to scream. She screams when she's happy and she screams when she's mad. Most of all she loves food. She loves chocolate. She loves milk. Anything to do with food, she loves. And she loves "Sloppy Joes" which really means Slurpees. She is very caring. If one of her brothers gets hurt and cries or is sad a cries she will go over to them and say, "Hug," and give them a big hug.

Since she's young, she really doesn't have too many naughty behaviors yet. She does tease her brothers and can actually make both of them cry. Probably her worst habit is the screaming. It is of such a pitch that when she does it it is like someone scratching their fingernails on a blackboard. It makes me cringe and gives me the chills. She screams whenever anyone does anything she doesn't like. Even if Carson or Hayden look at her and she doesn't want them to she screams. We are trying to teach her just to say, "No" if someone does something she doesn't like instead of screaming. Other than that, she is a very good little girl.

She is beautiful, nice, caring and funny. She has made our family complete and we are so happy we have her. I can't believe she is my daughter. I love her so much I can't stand it. If you can't tell from looking at her, or didn't notice, she is adopted. I will tell about her adoption story in a separate post.

Hayden

This is Hayden. He is the middle child. He is four years old. He is very, very smart. With Carson I always knew he was smart, and I figured Hayden just wasn't going to have the brains that Carson did and he was just lucky he was so cute. But over the last year or two Hayden's intelligence has really been showing itself. He can figure anything out and comes up with ideas that I am surprised a four-year-old could think of. He basically taught himself to read shortly after he turned three. We never pushed him to read or even started working on it with him, he would just here and there ask what something said or ask what sound a letter makes and before I even knew it he could read. One day my mom came over and I gave him a book to show her how he could read a page out of a book. I figured he would need a little help here and there to even read one page, but that for his age it was amazing. He sat down and read the entire book to her with no help. I was shocked. When he started preschool he was the only kid who could write his name and the only one that could read. He loves his brother and sister and talks to his little sister in baby talk that is so cute. It is really funny to see and hear when he is talking to her. He loves his dog. He likes to play video games. He loves playing outside riding bikes, the tractor, catching bugs and kicking balls around. He loves to cuddle and give hugs and kisses to everyone in our family. He loves to draw and color. He is always making pictures for everyone in the family. He has a lisp and it's so cute when he talks, although I hope he outgrows. He loves school. He plays well with all the kids and loves making pictures at school. He calls his friends at school, "My kids" and all the kids like him. He is a total mischief man. He wakes up really early in the morning and who knows what he does by himself. He will play games with himself, watch TV, get into things. One time he took a whole roll of pictures with my camera and then told me, "You shouldn't leave your camera where I can get it." He is really goofy sometimes and has a funny walk he does and calls it his "goofy walk." He'll get all dressed up in goofy clothes, hat, sunglasses and say he is a "cool dude."

Now for the not-so-nice things about Hayden. He has a terrible temper. If he is trying to do something and it doesn't work out, he loses it. If he is drawing a picture and makes a mistake he rips it up and throws it away. If he is playing a game and is losing he gets really ticked off. He can't play organized sports because the two times he did (soccer and t-ball) if any other kid touched the ball he would lay down and kick and cry or throw his mitt or hat and stomp on them. If he made a good play he would be all excited, but if somebody else did something good he hated it. He wants to play sports, but we have explained that until he can be a good sport and not call the other kids names then he can't play. He is very pessimistic. He always thinks the worst is going to happen. He always thinks he can't do something. He always says, "How come (insert any name here) gets to have fun and I don't?" "How come (insert any name here) gets more (insert any object or food here) than I do?" We are trying to work with him so he knows that he can do things and he is smart. Whenever he accomplishes something he didn't think he could we make a huge deal out of it and he gets really excited. He is also very bossy, telling everyone what to do. He talks back tells me I need to "relax" if he is getting in trouble. We are trying to use the reward system with him, too, but it doesn't work as well as it does with Carson. We are thinking of ways to help him deal with his temper and pessimism.

Overall he is a great kid and is so cute I can't stand it. I love him just as much as Carson, even though I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love Carson. Hayden is such a funny, cute, smart little boy and I'm lucky to have him, too.

Carson

Carson is our oldest child at seven years old. He is in first grade this year. He is very smart, not a genius, but very smart. Everyone that knows him knows that he is very smart and capable of doing just about anything he wants to. He loves to read and do puzzles. He loves to play sports, especially soccer. He loves to play outside riding bikes, his scooter, the toy tractor, and collecting bugs. He loves, loves, loves dinosaurs. He has so many books about dinosaurs and whenever we go to the library that's all he wants to check out are books about dinosaurs. He knows a lot about them. His room is even decorated with dinosaurs. We did a kind of "While You Were Out" decorating job on his room. He went on a little trip with my mom for about four days, and while he was gone we totally redid his room. It is painted green and has dinosaur pictures, dinosaur bedding and dinosaur decorations. He loves it and was very surprised when he came home. It was fun to do but a ton of work. He loves to draw pictures and is very good at it. Sometimes kids in his class ask him to draw pictures for them and he does. He is a clown. He is always making goofy faces and talking in silly voices. He still likes to cuddle with me and sleep in our bed sometimes. He still likes to sit on my lap, even though he is getting a little big. I'll let him for as long as he wants to, though, unless he's 21 and still wants to, then I think a little tough love might be in order. He likes to play video games and watch movies. We have been watching all of the Star Wars movies lately and he's really into it. He loves school and has a lot of friends there. He is the type of kid who makes friends really easily and is not mean to other kids. He is really nice and caring. He loves his brother and sister a lot. He loves playing with our dog. He loves to give hugs and kisses to his family and tells us he loves us all the time. He is a great kid and I feel really lucky to have him.

Now, I'm not going to pretend like my kids are perfect, so here's the not so great stuff about Carson. Even though he loves them he teases his younger brother and sister endlessly. He is always making his brother cry. He doesn't listen to a thing we say when we are telling him to do something. I can tell him 20 times to put his shoes on and he totally ignores me. One time it was in the middle of the winter with snow on the ground and we were getting ready to leave to go to Grandma's because I had to work. I had told him numerous times to get his shoes and socks on and he just ignored me. Finally, it was time to go and I didn't have time to wait for him to finally do it. I made him go barefooted to my mom's house. I did bring his shoes and socks for later. He was not too happy about