My Kids Are Brats

Don't get me wrong, I love them more than anything and think they are the cutest kids ever, but they have behavior problems. I'm not going to be one of those parents who thinks their kids are perfect and pretends that everything is fine. I do have to say that their bratty behavior is mostly at home. When we go out to a restaurant or the zoo or to other people's houses they are generally well behaved. The only people who really know how bratty they are are my mom and some of my friends, because they can hear them being bratty when I'm on the telephone. Also, before you think my kids are too bad, they generally aren't as bad as the kids I see on the TV show where the nanny comes to help people get control of their kids.

Here are some examples of the types of behavior we have to deal with: Mealtimes are a nightmare because all they do is fight and tease each other, and if they happen to be in the kitchen alone, they will even throw food. Mornings are a nightmare because they would rather goof off than get ready for school. Pretty soon mom and dad are yelling at them to get dressed, or get their back packs ready or get their coats and hats and gloves. It is a major fight to get them to clean their rooms; although I have to give some credit to Hayden because since we organized his room he has been much better. They are constantly teasing each other and fighting and hitting each other and calling each other names. They talk back to us and don't listen to us when we tell them to do something. Sometimes when I ask them to do something they will actually just stand there and say, "No." I can't believe I have kids who will talk back to me. That is totally unacceptable.

Most of the bad behavior is coming from Carson and Hayden. The bad behavior Amaya participates in is mainly the mealtime fiascos and the fighting, teasing and name calling. She really knows how to tease her brothers and get to them. I want to put a stop to it before it gets really bad, but actually right now it's pretty funny when she teases them.

Now before you think they are all bad, I feel like I should give some examples of some good things about them. They really love each other and when they aren't teasing and fighting they actually get along well. They play really well together and they are always hugging each other and telling each other that they love them. They are very loving. They are always making pictures for Mike and me and writing, "I love you" on them. They love to go visit our elderly neighbor lady and take cookies to her or put her newspaper on her porch if the delivery person put it on her sidewalk, since she can't walk down the steps. If I'm in the middle of an organizing project, which I have been a lot lately, they are very willing to help me out by picking stuff up or carrying things to different areas of the house. They love to read books to each other and play games with each other. So although they can be brats, they have a lot of great qualities, too, which is why I know there is hope.

But Mike and I have had it with their bad behavior, so I've been trying to think of a good way to get them to behave. I think I've finally come up with it.

First of all, yesterday I made a Student Control Journal for Hayden. Carson already had one, and in the past has gone through different stages of being really good at following it to ignoring it. I realize I need to remind them a lot to look at it and follow it if I want them to always do it. I customized the routines in the Control Journal to follow the things they need to accomplish every day, and I think it will work out great. After I made a big deal out of their Control Journals and explained how it works to Hayden, they both seemed really excited about them.

We started this morning with the Morning Routine. They actually got all ready for school on their own with no nagging or yelling on my part. They were even ready for school early. We actually had time for each of them to sit down and read a book to me before they left for school. There was no fighting, no teasing and everybody just quickly and quietly went about their routines.

I also made up a Reward Chart for each of the boys. I haven't decided what to do for Amaya yet, but it really isn't urgent at this point to do it for her. I am going to make up some sort of Reward Chart for her, too, so she doesn't feel left out. The Reward Chart is good for one week, starting on Sunday and ending on Saturday. I just made a simple table on a word processing program and put the days of the week across the top and the categories down the left side. I made them colorful and put each boy's name on the top. Obviously for this week I am blocking out Sunday to Tuesday since we aren't starting it until today. There are 12 categories on the chart which include things like: mealtimes, routines, chores, being respectful, no teasing and fighting, etc. Each day they will get a sticker for each category they accomplish without bad behavior. I don't expect them to be perfect, especially in the beginning until they get used to being good, so I am going to require them to get a sticker in 8 out of 12 categories each day to get a reward. If I can tell it is really working I may up that to 10 out of 12. I will never have it be 12 out of 12 because I don't want them to stress out about having to be perfect. The reward for each day will be that they get to pick something to do, whether it be playing a game, coloring or anything else they can think of, with just me. I explained what the reward is going to be and they thought it was a great idea. They like doing things with just me sometimes, but it's sometimes hard to do that with three kids. Usually we always just do things together. Sometimes I'll do things alone with each of the kids, but I think having it happen daily (I hope) or almost daily will be much better.

At the end of the week, if they've gotten a daily reward each day of the week, then they will get a larger reward. Each week it will change but I will decide at the beginning of the week what it will be. It might be that I will take them to the bookstore and buy a book, or I will let them pick a movie they want to watch and have it sent from Netflix (I have a membership), or go to the zoo or the botanical gardens (we have memberships to both), or play video games on the weekend. Most of the time it is going to be something free because I don't want to spend a fortune, and I also don't want to teach them that a reward has to cost money. There are a lot of fun, free things to do. This week I am going to let them pick a move from Netflix. They will each get to pick their own movie. Carson is already concerned about what if one of them gets to pick one but the other one wasn't good enough to pick one what will happen. I told him that if somebody doesn't get the reward, then when we watch the movie the other one will have to be in their own room doing something so they can't watch the movie. I hope he's not planning on being the one that doesn't get the reward.

So far for the two before-school categories they both got a sticker. As far as how they behaved at school, I am going to have to trust Hayden to be truthful about whether he had to go in time out or not. His teacher says he's pretty good, and he usually does tell me if he got in trouble, so hopefully he will continue to. As far as how Carson behaves at school, I get a note from his teacher every single day, so I will know if he was good or not. The reason I get a note from his teacher every day is another story, but at least I know what he did every day.

I am excited to put the Control Journals and the Reward Chart to work and see if it helps. I really think it will. I've done similar things in the past, but as soon as I can see that they are changing their behavior for the better, I stop doing it. I know that it is something that we are always going to have to do. Even if they get rewards every single day and every single week, I will stick to it so they won't relapse into the bad behavior.

Now I think I need to go make a reward chart for myself so I can give myself a sticker if I stick to my house cleaning routines, exercise every day, eat healthy, don't stay on the computer for too long, etc. If it works for the kids, maybe it will work for me, too.

Happy Birthday Amaya

Amaya turned three years old on Tuesday. I can't believe she is three already. The last couple of years really flew by. I can't believe how big she is. My brother and his wife, who live out of state, sent her a birthday present. It was two outfits. She opened the present and I took the clothes out and I thought to myself, "Well, these clothes aren't going to fit her. They are way too big." They were size 3T. The next day I tried one of them on her and it fits perfectly. It seems like she grew up overnight.


Tuesday she went to school and took a treat since it was her birthday. As she walked into the room she held her hands up over her head and yelled, "It's my birthday!" None of the other kids cared. Those immature little two-year-olds. After Mike got home from work that evening, and after he took Hayden to get a haircut, since school pictures were the next day and he looked like a mop top, we went out to dinner to celebrate Amaya's birthday. After we ate dinner we came home and she opened her presents and then we sang Happy Birthday to her and ate cupcakes. She had a very happy day.


Today we had a party for her. I have to say it was the easiest, non-stressful birthday party we've had in the last seven years. It's not like we put on elaborate birthday parties for our kids, but we usually serve a meal, either lunch or dinner, and have ice cream and cake. Of course it takes us about three days to clean our house to get it ready. I have made every one of my kids' birthday cakes, and I'm very slow at it. This year it only took us Friday evening to clean the house. We've really been working on organizing it and keeping it clean and it's working. We decided not to make a meal. We just had ice cream and cake. We didn't decorate anything. We just got Amaya one balloon. Normally we get a bunch of balloons and the kids end up fighting over them and we end up getting mad and popping them. It took me four hours to make the cake yesterday. I really love making the cakes but it takes me forever. So overall getting ready for the party was really easy. The biggest thing was making the cake.

We just invited Mike's grandpa and grandma, Mike's mom and dad, my mom, Mike's brother, Mike's other brother and his family, and my sister and her family. Mike's brother and his family didn't show up and we have no idea why. Everyone else showed up and Amaya had a great time.

Here is Amaya opening her presents, with a little help from her big brothers.

Here she is with a couple of her presents. It is so hard for me to get a good picture of her because whenever she knows I'm taking pictures she acts goofy. She'll make faces, look away or she'll look right at me and the second I push the button on the camera she looks away.




Here she is with her cake. She thought about that cake all day long. The second she woke up she asked for her birthday cake. After I baked it she said, "Is it done?" After I made the icing she said, "Is it done?" After I put one spoonful of icing on it she said, "Is it done?" Then she was really ticked off when I made a sandwich for her for lunch because she thought she was going to eat cake for lunch. It was so funny.

This is the cake she wanted. I wanted to make a very cute kitty-cat princess. It would have been pink with a little crown on it that said, "Amaya" on it. But she wanted a turtle. Does this look like a turtle to you? It think it does, but apparently it doesn't. Some of the people at the party couldn't tell what it was. Another reason I know it wasn't that great of a cake is that usually people will tell me how cute the cake is and "ooh" and "aah" over it, but nobody even said it was cute. They said it tasted good, but they didn't say anything about the way it looked except, "What is it?" So it only took me four hours to make a cake that didn't look like a turtle.

This picture is from last year on her birthday. It was my fault that she was looking so sad. When it was time to cut the cake, I was so excited to videotape her eating her cake. Well, there were a bunch of other kids whining for cake and ice cream, so I decided to give them theirs first so when I gave her hers I could concentrate on her with the camera. So I was busy dishing up everyone else when someone noticed how sad she looked because she was the only one not getting cake and ice cream yet. It was so cute. This year I didn't make that mistake again. She got her cake and ice cream before anyone else and she was very happy.

Amaya's Adoption Story

We adopted her in August of 2005 at the age of 10 months from China. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I think when you get pregnant and have a baby (excluding people who have gone through infertility problems because I don't think they take anything for granted) you kind of take the whole experience for granted. After all, you don't have to get anyone's permission to have a baby. You don't have to be approved to have a baby. You don't have to be extensively interviewed by a social worker to have a baby. You don't have to be approved by your own government and a foreign government to have a baby. The international adoption process was the most grueling, emotional and wonderful experiences I've ever had. I used to think that people who couldn't have "their own" kids and had to adopt loved their kids, but that it wouldn't be the same as having "their own" kids. I thought that parents who adopted kids and had biological kids would love all of them, but that there would be a slight difference between the adopted and the biological kids. Boy, was I wrong about that, I'm happy to admit. From the second I decided I wanted to adopt a little girl from China, I knew I would love that little girl just as much as I love my boys. I have loved her from the second she became just an idea in my head.

Mike and I had never even thought about adopting. We had our two boys and I still could get pregnant, as far as I know. We always said we would only have two kids no matter. Two just seemed like a good, even number. I knew we would have two boys just because that's the way my husband's family is. The men in that family cannot make girls. I accepted the fact that I would never have a daughter and I was totally okay with that. In fact, I loved my boys so much and thought they were so cute that I even thought to myself that even if I did get pregnant again, for whatever reason, maybe I would want another cute little boy. I did say that if there was any way to get pregnant and guarantee it would be a girl that I would. Of course, that isn't possible, so we were happy with our two cute boys.

One day at work a lady I knew who had adopted two daughters from China was telling me and another lady that she was in the process of adopting another one. She was showing us some pictures on the internet of some beautiful little girls, and a few boys, who had been adopted from China. Then she looked at me and said, "You should do this." I said, "No. We already have two kids and we are not having any more." Then the other lady said to me, "Yeah, this would be a good way for you to get a girl." Well, the second she said that something clicked in my mind and I knew I wanted to adopt a little girl from China. I was obsessed from that moment on. I couldn't stay off the internet. I was constantly looking at the pictures the lady showed me and I was researching adoption agencies. I brought it up to Mike when he got home from work and showed him the pictures on the internet. He said, "We are only having two kids. Our house isn't big enough. We don't have enough money." Little did he know, but I had my mind set on this. It took me a few months to convince him that it would be a good idea. I had requested information from several adoption agencies and some of them sent videos. I made him watch them with me. The agency I thought looked to best wasn't in our state, but they just happened to be having an information meeting in a city about 45 minutes away from us so I convinced him to go to it. We had my mom babysit (although we wouldn't tell her why) and went to the meeting. The lady who was in charge of the meeting brought her two young daughters that had been adopted from China with her and I think that's what pushed Mike over the edge and made him think it would be a good thing for us to do. When we left he said, "I'm sure she brings those girls with her on purpose when she does that because they are so cute and it makes people want to do that." I'm sure she brought them on purpose, too, because after seeing them it's hard to say you wouldn't want to adopt a child that needs a home.

Our decision to adopt wasn't because we wanted to "save" a child. It was because we wanted a daughter and this was the only sure way to get a daughter. Even today when people say to me, "Oh, she's so lucky you adopted her," I think to myself, and have said to a few people, "No, we are the lucky ones to have her." I don't want people to think we adopted a child just to save one. We adopted her because we wanted to add to our family and that was the best way to do it at that particular time in our lives. I know some people question why people adopt internationally instead of from the U.S. For us that wasn't even a decision we had to make. From the second I even thought about adopting it was only from China. We didn't research any other options and didn't even think of anything else. It's weird, but it just sort of happened. Although since we have adopted Amaya if we were going to do it again (we're not) we would definitely do international again. I always thought I would want to adopt another girl from China, but I have also thought about Africa. I don't know why I even think about it because I know it is not going to happen, but it's fun to imagine doing it again.

As far as the adoption process, the paperwork took us four months to complete and get certified and authenticated. The funny thing was during the paperwork phase I was so worried something would come up that would keep us from adopting. When we had to get our physicals I was worried I might have something bad, like cancer, and that would prevent us from adopting. I was more worried about having cancer and having that prevent us from adopting than I was about having cancer and dying. Dying during that time period seemed preferable than being turned down to adopt. I was also worried something would come up on our criminal records to prevent us from adopting. Neither one of us had ever been arrested before, but that just proves how paranoid I was during the process. I was worried the social worker would think our house was too small, or too old, or not decorated nice enough. Luckily, she found everything acceptable. Getting all the paperwork done and sent off to our agency and finding out that everything was acceptable and was sent to China was a huge relief. Then came the wait.

Before I talk about the wait I want to talk about our friends' and families' reactions to the fact that we were adopting from China.

All of our friends were very excited about it. They were always asking questions about it and were so excited when we got our referral and even checked up on us while we were in China. They sent e-mails and looked at our web-site every day to see what we were doing. They have all been so great.

I was so excited to tell my mom because I thought she would be so excited. She was so excited when I had Carson and Hayden and she was so excited when my sister had her son. The day I told her I was so excited. I hadn't planned on telling her that day, but I couldn't wait any longer. We had already been in the process for a couple of months, but we were waiting to tell people until we were sure it was going to happen. We couldn't wait any longer, though. I was over at my mom's alone for some reason. I can't remember why, but I was going to eat dinner over there. I showed her a brochure from the agency we were using and told her that's what we were going to do. I started crying because I was so happy. She was totally against it. It is the only time I can honestly say my heart has been broken. My tears of joy turned to tears of sorrow in an instant. She wasn't against the fact that we were adopting. She wasn't against the fact that the baby would be Chinese. She was just against the fact that we would have another child. She thought we should only have two children. She thought our house was too small. She thought we couldn't afford it. All of the reasons she was against it had nothing to do with her, so it made no sense to me. After that day I tried to bring up the subject with her a few times and she just dismissed it. After that I didn't bring it up anymore. It was really sad to be in such an exciting time in my life and not be able to talk about it with my mom. I talked about it with everyone else but her for a few months. Finally one day I said something about when we go to China and she said, "I guess you expect me to keep Carson and Hayden while you go." And I said "No. They are coming with us and I was kind of hoping you would come, too, but since you're not too happy with the idea then I guess you don't want to." That kind of broke the ice and she told me it wasn't that she was against it, she just had some concerns, and that she would love to come with us. Ever since that moment she was totally into it and went shopping with me and helped us get ready for the trip and was really wonderful about it. She even cried with me many times out of happiness after that. It was a really weird few months when she wasn't happy about it, but I'm glad she snapped out of it. She went to China with us and has loved Amaya since she first saw the referral picture.

Mike's family was another story. I was really nervous about telling them because they are a little bit racist. Can you be a little bit racist, or is that like being a little bit pregnant, either you are or you aren't? The reason I say "a little bit racist" is because they are the type of people that will make racist remarks about people and tell racist jokes and think they are funny, but they would never be rude to someone of another race or call someone a racist name or make remarks in front of someone of another race and they are very accepting of friends of ours that are of another race. Mike even had a girlfriend that was Mexican for about three years and they just loved her. Anyway, I knew they (especially Mike's mom) would be excited to have a granddaughter, because there are no girls in Mike's family and she was always making comments about who was going to give her a granddaughter. I was just worried about the part of her granddaughter being Chinese, because I had heard her make rude racial remarks about Asian people before. But, when we told them about it, they were very excited. Mike's mom was ecstatic and when we went on the internet and showed her pictures of Chinese girls that had been adopted she couldn't get over how cute they were. Then she went wild buying girl clothes and toys. Mike's mom went with us to China and Mike's mom and dad love Amaya so much. Amaya really loves her grandpa and he will carry her around all day if she wants him to. Interestingly enough, I haven't heard them make any racist remarks since we brought Amaya home. Hopefully, she changed something in them.

It is just surprising that my expectations of our families' reactions was totally opposite of what I thought they were going to be. Luckily everyone in our families loves Amaya just as much as Carson and Hayden and doesn't treat her any differently. They all brag to their friends about how wonderful Amaya is and have pictures of her all over their houses. Now, I haven't mentioned my dad anywhere in this and that is because he is dead. But if he were alive I know he would have been very excited about Amaya and he definitely would have come to China with us and loved every minute of it. I am just sad that she never got to meet my dad. He was a wonderful grandpa.

Back to the wait. The wait was very hard. For us it was only six months from DTC (Dossier to China) until referral, but it seemed like forever. I know now that people are waiting a lot longer than that, 12 t0 18 months, maybe? We just lucked out by hitting the shortest referral times I think they've ever had. At least we had a lot to keep us busy during the wait. We had to get our house organized and clean out a room for the baby. Getting the room ready was really fun. I was never one for a lot of pink, but all the sudden the fact that I was going to have a daughter sent me over the edge and I painted the room pink. It is very cute. It was so fun picking out girl stuff. My mom and I went nuts shopping. Sometimes we would go to the mall and we'd have to purposefully pass by stores because we knew if we went in we would buy more stuff. My mom bought Amaya her first teddy bear, a soft, pink bear that Amaya loves to sleep with now. Also during the wait I discovered the Yahoo Groups. I would go on the Adoptive Parents China group. I learned a lot from the people on there, but I ended up not going on there so much after a while because I got tired of the fighting. It seems like there are a lot of overly sensitive people on there who have to rip on someone else no matter what they post. I got tired of seeing someone post their opinion on some regular subject, trying to help someone else out or just asking a question, and having them get ripped on. It's ridiculous. There is a lot of good information on there, if you can find it in between all the sniping at each other. I just ended up feeling sorry for people and sad about the whole thing instead of happy about going on there so I quit going on there. I still go on there once every three or four months to see what the current subjects are, but after reading a few posts I realize why I don't go on there much anymore. The other groups I joined were a DTC group for our month and a DTC group for our month specific to our agency. The people on those groups were so friendly and helpful and upbeat about everything. If someone had a problem or a question, there would be numerous people posting tips and trying to help them or just make them feel better. They were so supportive and just the type of groups you need when you are going through the wait. We also did some fun things on those groups. We did a Secret Buddy exchange where you would sign up and then each month there was a theme and you would get gifts from your Secret Buddy and you would send gifts to the person who had you as their Secret Buddy. It was so fun and it was just as fun to go pick out gifts to send as it was to get gifts every month. Another thing we did was exchange quilt squares for a 100 Wishes Quilt. Even now when I read the wishes that people sent it makes me cry. They are so sweet and loving. Of course, I had never made a quilt before, and still haven't, but I have all the squares and hope to make the quilt, or pay someone to make it, and then I will give it to Amaya when she is old enough to understand. I suggest to anyone going through the wait for an adoption to try to find a good supportive group and do some fun things like that. It helps the time go by and gives you some good memories.

When we finally got our referral it was just so strange to see that little girl and know she was ours. It was an unbelievable feeling. The day we got our referral was so hectic. Mike was at work. Mike's uncle was working on the baby's room. Me and Carson and Hayden were at home. I didn't dare get on the phone because we didn't have call waiting and I knew our agency was going to be calling so I didn't dare get on the phone and have them get a busy signal. I had my list of questions ready so when they called I would find out everything I needed. Every time the phone would ring I would run to check the caller ID and if it wasn't our agency I just let it ring and cursed whoever it was that they were tying up the phone line. When they finally called I was amazingly calm. They gave me all the information, answered the few questions I had and said they would e-mail a picture. Carson and I went to check the e-mail and it hadn't come yet. I didn't want to look at the picture without Mike there, but I wanted to make sure it was there before he came home from work. It still wasn't there. I called my agency and told them I didn't get it so they said they would send it again. Finally it came. Carson and I only scrolled down a teeny bit until we could see there was actually a picture there then stopped. I called Mike and he came home. When he got there Hayden was eating lunch and Mike, Carson and I went to look at the picture. We scrolled down and saw her. It was amazing to see her picture for the first time. Just as we were admiring our daughter, Hayden started screaming bloody murder. He had reached over to a bottle of something that was sitting on the kitchen table (I can't remember what it was or why it was there) and had opened it and dumped the liquid over his head. It was in his eyes and mouth. Me, Mike, Carson, Mike's uncle and his helper all ran to see what was the matter. I grabbed him up and took him to the bathroom and rinsed his eyes and then had to call his doctor to make sure whatever it was wasn't harmful and she said it wasn't, just to rinse his eyes out and if he had swallowed some it might make him have a tummy ache but it wasn't dangerous. It's a good thing our social worker couldn't see us at that moment. We really are carefully about keeping things out of the kids' reach. I think we were just so excited that day that we were not in our right minds. Anyway, everything worked out.

We spent the next month getting ready for the trip: shopping, packing, getting shots, getting visas, etc. Mike's mom, my mom, Carson, Hayden, Mike and I were excited to go to China. The only time I had ever been out of the country was to Mexico, and the places we went there were very touristy so it really wasn't like being in another country. I was so excited to go to China. We way over packed, and the six of us and our luggage looked like the circus coming to town. The only thing I forgot was my makeup. I am so unorganized that I am amazed we made it to China with everything we needed, especially all of our money and paperwork. The only things I would change would be to bring more clothes, less snacks and less toys for the kids. Every packing list we read said to only bring about four outfits each because you can have your laundry done there. What those lists didn't take into account was that you might feel like changing your clothes a couple times a day because in southern China in August it is extremely hot and humid and the second you walk out the door of the hotel you are drenched in sweat and stinking it up. We had a few days where we had to wear the same gross clothes two days in a row because everything else would be at the laundry. We tried to wash things in our room but it was so humid nothing would ever dry. We brought a lot of snacks and toys for the boys so they wouldn't be bored or hungry. We didn't need most of it. They went to the playroom in the hotel, watched TV or went to the park. The only toys they needed were their Gameboys and they were happy. Other than that, we were prepared for anything that might come up. We had plenty of medicine, which we ended up letting people in our group who didn't bring enough use, and plenty of baby supplies. The trip itself was amazing. We went to Hong Kong first for two days and it is an amazing place. Then we flew to Nanchang, Jiangxi, China where we got Amaya and stayed for six days. It was such a neat place. Nobody there speaks English and they are not used to seeing white people so when we would go out we got a lot of attention. Carson and Hayden were especially popular. The people were fascinated with them, especially Hayden with his blond hair and blue eyes. People wanted to get their picture taken with them. Carson was always willing, but Hayden didn't like all the attention. All in all the people were very sweet and friendly and the sites were amazing. Next we flew to Guangzhou for five days. It was such a nice hotel and everyone was very friendly. We did a lot of shopping and site-seeing. We even went to the zoo, which was fun, but very hot. We swam in the pool a lot to keep cool. Carson and Hayden were very good on the trip. I was worried about the plane ride, but they mostly slept or watched cartoons. I loved China and can't wait until we can go back. It was the most amazing trip I've ever been on. It has beautiful sites and friendly people.

Now the reason for all of this: Amaya. The first referral picture she looks a little goofy in, but the others are so cute. She looks different in them, but there are certain characteristics I can see in her face in all of them. It was weird having those pictures for over a month and knowing she was our daughter but not having her. I tried to imagine what she looked like and what she was doing. When it was time to get her we were in a big conference room in the hotel and they started bringing the babies in one by one. The first few babies were so cute and I was so excited to see their parents get them. Then it was our turn. After us, unfortuantely, I didn't pay attention to the rest of the people getting their babies and I feel kind of bad about that, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Amaya. She had a blue pacifyer in her mouth (which was permanently attached for the next four months) and just stared wide-eyed at us. She didn't cry. She just stared. She was very limp. I noticed that right from the beginning. She didn't move her legs at all, they just hung there. I was a little bit nervous about it. She had no muscle tone and couldn't even sit up on her own at 10 months old. She wouldn't put any weight on her legs. By the end of our trip and she had already made huge strides in using her muscles. Anyway, after everyone got their babies we stayed in the room for a few minutes admiring our beautiful babies. None of them were crying. Our rep said that he had never seen a group of babies (there were nine of them) that were handed over to their parents where none of them cried. He said usually there are a few that start crying and it triggers the others to cry and pretty soon there is a room full of crying babies. Then we went back to our rooms. The babies hadn't eaten for quite a while so they were hungry. We fixed Amaya a bottle and she scarfed it down. We just spent time holding her and talking to her. She didn't cry. She just stared and stared and stared. I have to admit that the first time I changed her diaper I got quite a shock. I mean, I knew she was a girl, obviously, but every time I had changed a diaper for the five years until that moment the first thing I would see when I opened the diaper was a penis. When I first opened her diaper I gasped. It scared me for a split second until I remember that she was a girl and wouldn't have a penis. It was a weird feeling. Anyway, we did get her to smile that night. Then she went to sleep like a little angel. For the next few days she was very quiet and stared at us a lot. She cried a few times, but only because she was hungry or wanted something. She didn't seem overly upset, just a little unsure of things. She bonded with us very quickly. The boys would play with her and make her laugh. The grandmas could hold her and play with her. It was very strange because it seemed as if she knew we were her parents right from the beginning. She would let the grandmas hold her, but she kept her eyes on us and if one of us walked by she would hold her hands out to us. It felt so natural to have her in our family. She fit in perfectly from the beginning. The rest of the trip was very smooth. Amaya was just perfect. I honestly think she bonded with us from the beginning and never had any bonding or attachment issues either in China or when we got home. She just seemed to adjust with no problem. Before we went to China we watched a video about attachment and bonding that our agency gave us. We also did a workbook that our social worker had us get. We were familiar with what things could happen. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. It felt like she had been with us forever. It still feels like that. I have read stories about and know people who have had some problems with bonding and attachment, and even though it was hard, it all worked out in the end with the children and parents bonding. I know in some cases it never works out, and I really have empathy for those parents and children. I feel very lucky that everything worked out very easily for us. I know that doesn't mean that it will always be easy. We don't know what we have in store for us when Amaya gets older and starts having feelings about how her life began and how she ended up with us, and all I can say is we will be there for her to help her through any problems she has.

I just think Amaya is very easy going and can adapt to things easily. She is very outgoing, but is very quiet around people until she feels comfortable with them. Once she gets to know someone, look out. She is very friendly and goofy and likes to tease. I hope she is always as accepting of her circumstances as she is now. Right now, at age two, she only knows us as her family. When the time comes that she knows her history, I hope that she can accept it and not let it make her sad or angry. I hope she knows that her birth family couldn't keep her, but they most likely loved her and that's why they left her in a place where she would be found. I hope she knows that her foster family in China loved her and that's why they took such good care of her. I hope she knows that we love her and are her family no matter how she beame a part of it. I hope that she knows that when people make stupid remarks about her being adopted or being a different race than her family that they most likely aren't doing it do be rude, they are just not knowledgable enough about the situation to be sensitive. I hope she can be proud of being Chinese and be proud of being an American and know that she is in a unique situation that makes her special. I hope she grows up to be a happy, healthy, well-adjusted woman that has a good self image and loves herself. I just hope the best for her in everything she does in her life and want to let her know that I will always be there for her no matter what.

When we got home she settled in just fine. She is totally part of our family and everyone loves her just as much if she'd been born to us. Honesty, if I somehow became blind and got amnesia, only blocking out the adoption procedure and trip to China, I would be convinced that I gave birth to her. I am so glad I overcame my misconceptions about people adopting not loving their adopted children as much as their biological children. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have my amazing, beautiful, funny, loving, smart, silly daughter.

I make sure I tell all my kids every day how much I love them and that I am the luckiest mom in the world to have all of them.

Amaya

Amaya is the youngest. She is two years old. She is so cute and funny and smart. She really is a goofball. She likes to make faces and talk in funny voices. She loves to make people laugh. She likes to color. She loves Elmo. She loves her dog. She loves her big brothers. She loves to cuddle and have lullabies sung to her. I think she has a photographic memory when it comes to words, because we will be out somewhere and she will point at something and say what it is and it will be something I never even knew she has seen before. I think she can be told what something is once, and always remember what it is. She loves to play outside, mostly just running and running. She loves to scream. She screams when she's happy and she screams when she's mad. Most of all she loves food. She loves chocolate. She loves milk. Anything to do with food, she loves. And she loves "Sloppy Joes" which really means Slurpees. She is very caring. If one of her brothers gets hurt and cries or is sad a cries she will go over to them and say, "Hug," and give them a big hug.

Since she's young, she really doesn't have too many naughty behaviors yet. She does tease her brothers and can actually make both of them cry. Probably her worst habit is the screaming. It is of such a pitch that when she does it it is like someone scratching their fingernails on a blackboard. It makes me cringe and gives me the chills. She screams whenever anyone does anything she doesn't like. Even if Carson or Hayden look at her and she doesn't want them to she screams. We are trying to teach her just to say, "No" if someone does something she doesn't like instead of screaming. Other than that, she is a very good little girl.

She is beautiful, nice, caring and funny. She has made our family complete and we are so happy we have her. I can't believe she is my daughter. I love her so much I can't stand it. If you can't tell from looking at her, or didn't notice, she is adopted. I will tell about her adoption story in a separate post.

Little Miss Fashion

Amaya is two-and-a-half years old. Today is the first time she has not wanted to wear something that I picked out for her. When she woke up I took her pajamas off, changed her diaper, put some shorts on her and went to put her shirt on her when she grabbed that shirt out of my hands and yelled, "Like!" Even though she said, "Like!" that really meant she didn't like it. She hasn't figured out she needs to put "don't" in front of "like" but I know what she means anyway. I said, "But this shirt matches your shorts and is so cute." She said, "Stupid clothes," and threw it down. So I had to put a different shirt on her. I hope this was a one-time incident because I don't know if I'm ready to have her pick out her own clothes. That is one of the fun parts of having a girl is so I can dress her in cute little outfits and do her hair with matching clips and hair ties. I really didn't expect this kind of behavior until she's a teenager and wants to wear shirts that show her belly and pants that show her butt. Then the battle will begin. But she's only two years old. What's up with that? At least I can still pick out the clothes for my boys, but that's not near as fun. Wait, maybe it could be fun. Maybe I'll have them wear cute clothes and matching baseball hats...never mind. That's a stupid idea. Maybe I'll become one of those people who make their dogs wear clothes. Except he's a boy, too, so that wouldn't be any fun. Maybe it's time for another baby. Okay, I'd better stop now before I think of any more insane ideas. I'll just accept the fact that my little girl is getting bigger and starting to make her own decisions. As long as she's happy, I'm happy, too, even if she's wearing a purple and green tye-dyed shirt with red and white polka-dotted pants.