Bathroom Adventures

This is the kind of thing that happens when a family of five, who are all trying to get ready in the morning to leave at the same time, has only one bathroom.

Scene: Master Bedroom (or the closest thing we have to one):

Mike: Are you going to take a shower this morning?

Dawn: Yes.

Mike: Do you want to go first or do you want me to?

Dawn: I want to because I need time for my hair to dry.

Mike: I need to soak in the bathtub in warm water because I pulled my groin playing softball and I can't walk very well until I soak for a while.

Dawn: You're old.

(Mike goes upstairs first while Dawn gets her clothes ready.)

Scene: Bathroom.

Dawn (after coming up the stairs and hearing water running in the bathtub and finding Mike naked leaning over the bathtub getting it ready): I SAID I WAS GOING TO SHOWER FIRST BECAUSE I NEED TIME FOR MY HAIR TO DRY!

Mike: Well, I need to soak first or else I can't walk. I'll hurry.

Dawn: You better.

Scene: Bathroom - 20 minutes later:

Mike: Do you want to shower now or can I shave? (note: he's kidding, right?)

Dawn: I AM GOING TO SHOWER NOW! I NEED TIME FOR MY HAIR TO DRY.

Dawn gets in the shower and is in there for 10 seconds when the following occurs:

Mike (opening the door and coming in with Hayden, and he's still naked): Hayden needs to take a dump.

Dawn: Oh, great.

Hayden (while sitting on the toilet): Dad, how come your weiner is all hairy?

Mike: My weiner is not all hairy.

Hayden: Yes, it is. Look. Right there.

Mike: That hair is not on my weiner. It's around it.

Hayden: Oh.

Hayden finishes up, Mike wipes Hayden's butt, Hayden washes his hand, Mike hands Dawn a towel and Mike and Hayden leave the bathroom. Dawn finally gets the bathroom to herself for....5 seconds.

Carson (entering the bathroom): I need to go poo.

Dawn (gagging from the odor Hayden left behind): Great.

Dawn starts to get dressed as fast as she can to avoid smelling Hayden's feces, but accidentally looks over at Carson on the toilet and sees a huge, gross turd in the toilet and just about pukes. She runs out of the bathroom as fast as she can and into Hayden's bedroom to finish dressing. Then, she must run into the bathroom again, holding her breath, to grab her hair products. As she runs back out, Mike enters the bathroom again to shave, not caring about the horrible stench that permeates the air. Dawn finishes getting ready in the family room and has to wait for an hour until the bathroom airs out to go back in and brush her teeth. Unfortunately, this scene will be repeated many times in the future and will only get worse when Amaya is old enough to need the bathroom.