My Kids Are Brats

Don't get me wrong, I love them more than anything and think they are the cutest kids ever, but they have behavior problems. I'm not going to be one of those parents who thinks their kids are perfect and pretends that everything is fine. I do have to say that their bratty behavior is mostly at home. When we go out to a restaurant or the zoo or to other people's houses they are generally well behaved. The only people who really know how bratty they are are my mom and some of my friends, because they can hear them being bratty when I'm on the telephone. Also, before you think my kids are too bad, they generally aren't as bad as the kids I see on the TV show where the nanny comes to help people get control of their kids.

Here are some examples of the types of behavior we have to deal with: Mealtimes are a nightmare because all they do is fight and tease each other, and if they happen to be in the kitchen alone, they will even throw food. Mornings are a nightmare because they would rather goof off than get ready for school. Pretty soon mom and dad are yelling at them to get dressed, or get their back packs ready or get their coats and hats and gloves. It is a major fight to get them to clean their rooms; although I have to give some credit to Hayden because since we organized his room he has been much better. They are constantly teasing each other and fighting and hitting each other and calling each other names. They talk back to us and don't listen to us when we tell them to do something. Sometimes when I ask them to do something they will actually just stand there and say, "No." I can't believe I have kids who will talk back to me. That is totally unacceptable.

Most of the bad behavior is coming from Carson and Hayden. The bad behavior Amaya participates in is mainly the mealtime fiascos and the fighting, teasing and name calling. She really knows how to tease her brothers and get to them. I want to put a stop to it before it gets really bad, but actually right now it's pretty funny when she teases them.

Now before you think they are all bad, I feel like I should give some examples of some good things about them. They really love each other and when they aren't teasing and fighting they actually get along well. They play really well together and they are always hugging each other and telling each other that they love them. They are very loving. They are always making pictures for Mike and me and writing, "I love you" on them. They love to go visit our elderly neighbor lady and take cookies to her or put her newspaper on her porch if the delivery person put it on her sidewalk, since she can't walk down the steps. If I'm in the middle of an organizing project, which I have been a lot lately, they are very willing to help me out by picking stuff up or carrying things to different areas of the house. They love to read books to each other and play games with each other. So although they can be brats, they have a lot of great qualities, too, which is why I know there is hope.

But Mike and I have had it with their bad behavior, so I've been trying to think of a good way to get them to behave. I think I've finally come up with it.

First of all, yesterday I made a Student Control Journal for Hayden. Carson already had one, and in the past has gone through different stages of being really good at following it to ignoring it. I realize I need to remind them a lot to look at it and follow it if I want them to always do it. I customized the routines in the Control Journal to follow the things they need to accomplish every day, and I think it will work out great. After I made a big deal out of their Control Journals and explained how it works to Hayden, they both seemed really excited about them.

We started this morning with the Morning Routine. They actually got all ready for school on their own with no nagging or yelling on my part. They were even ready for school early. We actually had time for each of them to sit down and read a book to me before they left for school. There was no fighting, no teasing and everybody just quickly and quietly went about their routines.

I also made up a Reward Chart for each of the boys. I haven't decided what to do for Amaya yet, but it really isn't urgent at this point to do it for her. I am going to make up some sort of Reward Chart for her, too, so she doesn't feel left out. The Reward Chart is good for one week, starting on Sunday and ending on Saturday. I just made a simple table on a word processing program and put the days of the week across the top and the categories down the left side. I made them colorful and put each boy's name on the top. Obviously for this week I am blocking out Sunday to Tuesday since we aren't starting it until today. There are 12 categories on the chart which include things like: mealtimes, routines, chores, being respectful, no teasing and fighting, etc. Each day they will get a sticker for each category they accomplish without bad behavior. I don't expect them to be perfect, especially in the beginning until they get used to being good, so I am going to require them to get a sticker in 8 out of 12 categories each day to get a reward. If I can tell it is really working I may up that to 10 out of 12. I will never have it be 12 out of 12 because I don't want them to stress out about having to be perfect. The reward for each day will be that they get to pick something to do, whether it be playing a game, coloring or anything else they can think of, with just me. I explained what the reward is going to be and they thought it was a great idea. They like doing things with just me sometimes, but it's sometimes hard to do that with three kids. Usually we always just do things together. Sometimes I'll do things alone with each of the kids, but I think having it happen daily (I hope) or almost daily will be much better.

At the end of the week, if they've gotten a daily reward each day of the week, then they will get a larger reward. Each week it will change but I will decide at the beginning of the week what it will be. It might be that I will take them to the bookstore and buy a book, or I will let them pick a movie they want to watch and have it sent from Netflix (I have a membership), or go to the zoo or the botanical gardens (we have memberships to both), or play video games on the weekend. Most of the time it is going to be something free because I don't want to spend a fortune, and I also don't want to teach them that a reward has to cost money. There are a lot of fun, free things to do. This week I am going to let them pick a move from Netflix. They will each get to pick their own movie. Carson is already concerned about what if one of them gets to pick one but the other one wasn't good enough to pick one what will happen. I told him that if somebody doesn't get the reward, then when we watch the movie the other one will have to be in their own room doing something so they can't watch the movie. I hope he's not planning on being the one that doesn't get the reward.

So far for the two before-school categories they both got a sticker. As far as how they behaved at school, I am going to have to trust Hayden to be truthful about whether he had to go in time out or not. His teacher says he's pretty good, and he usually does tell me if he got in trouble, so hopefully he will continue to. As far as how Carson behaves at school, I get a note from his teacher every single day, so I will know if he was good or not. The reason I get a note from his teacher every day is another story, but at least I know what he did every day.

I am excited to put the Control Journals and the Reward Chart to work and see if it helps. I really think it will. I've done similar things in the past, but as soon as I can see that they are changing their behavior for the better, I stop doing it. I know that it is something that we are always going to have to do. Even if they get rewards every single day and every single week, I will stick to it so they won't relapse into the bad behavior.

Now I think I need to go make a reward chart for myself so I can give myself a sticker if I stick to my house cleaning routines, exercise every day, eat healthy, don't stay on the computer for too long, etc. If it works for the kids, maybe it will work for me, too.

Hayden

This is Hayden. He is the middle child. He is four years old. He is very, very smart. With Carson I always knew he was smart, and I figured Hayden just wasn't going to have the brains that Carson did and he was just lucky he was so cute. But over the last year or two Hayden's intelligence has really been showing itself. He can figure anything out and comes up with ideas that I am surprised a four-year-old could think of. He basically taught himself to read shortly after he turned three. We never pushed him to read or even started working on it with him, he would just here and there ask what something said or ask what sound a letter makes and before I even knew it he could read. One day my mom came over and I gave him a book to show her how he could read a page out of a book. I figured he would need a little help here and there to even read one page, but that for his age it was amazing. He sat down and read the entire book to her with no help. I was shocked. When he started preschool he was the only kid who could write his name and the only one that could read. He loves his brother and sister and talks to his little sister in baby talk that is so cute. It is really funny to see and hear when he is talking to her. He loves his dog. He likes to play video games. He loves playing outside riding bikes, the tractor, catching bugs and kicking balls around. He loves to cuddle and give hugs and kisses to everyone in our family. He loves to draw and color. He is always making pictures for everyone in the family. He has a lisp and it's so cute when he talks, although I hope he outgrows. He loves school. He plays well with all the kids and loves making pictures at school. He calls his friends at school, "My kids" and all the kids like him. He is a total mischief man. He wakes up really early in the morning and who knows what he does by himself. He will play games with himself, watch TV, get into things. One time he took a whole roll of pictures with my camera and then told me, "You shouldn't leave your camera where I can get it." He is really goofy sometimes and has a funny walk he does and calls it his "goofy walk." He'll get all dressed up in goofy clothes, hat, sunglasses and say he is a "cool dude."

Now for the not-so-nice things about Hayden. He has a terrible temper. If he is trying to do something and it doesn't work out, he loses it. If he is drawing a picture and makes a mistake he rips it up and throws it away. If he is playing a game and is losing he gets really ticked off. He can't play organized sports because the two times he did (soccer and t-ball) if any other kid touched the ball he would lay down and kick and cry or throw his mitt or hat and stomp on them. If he made a good play he would be all excited, but if somebody else did something good he hated it. He wants to play sports, but we have explained that until he can be a good sport and not call the other kids names then he can't play. He is very pessimistic. He always thinks the worst is going to happen. He always thinks he can't do something. He always says, "How come (insert any name here) gets to have fun and I don't?" "How come (insert any name here) gets more (insert any object or food here) than I do?" We are trying to work with him so he knows that he can do things and he is smart. Whenever he accomplishes something he didn't think he could we make a huge deal out of it and he gets really excited. He is also very bossy, telling everyone what to do. He talks back tells me I need to "relax" if he is getting in trouble. We are trying to use the reward system with him, too, but it doesn't work as well as it does with Carson. We are thinking of ways to help him deal with his temper and pessimism.

Overall he is a great kid and is so cute I can't stand it. I love him just as much as Carson, even though I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love Carson. Hayden is such a funny, cute, smart little boy and I'm lucky to have him, too.

One-Eyed Freak

So many times one of the kids says something we think is funny and we always think to ourselves, "I need to remember that one." Well, I usually don't remember (until a few years later something might pop into my head) so whenever one of the kids says something I think is funny I am going to write it down so I don't forget. For each new thing, I might have to add an old one that I remember so I don't forget those either.

Now I realize these might not sound that funny, but for me they are because I can see Hayden's cute little face and his funny expressions as he's telling me these things. He is so serious when he says things that that makes it even funnier.

This morning Amaya was watching Baby Mozart. At one point there are some toy seals that have balls balancing on their noses. I was telling her what they are and Hayden was listening. Then he said, "Hey, I never knew those were seals with balls on their noses." I said, "What did you think they were?" He said, "One-eyed freaks." The good news is that since he has watched that video since he was a baby and thought it had one-eyed freaks on it he was never traumatized or scared by it. He just thought that was normal.

He also informed me that at his preschool they have a piano that is so loud that everyone on the whole, wide earth can hear it, except for me because I am too far away.

When Carson was about two years old we were driving around and he told me, "My thumb toe hurts." He meant his big toe.