
Today is Works For Me Wednesday: The Great Parenting Advice Edition. My parenting advice is to teach your kids to sleep from the day they are born. Now, you would think that sleep would come naturally to kids, but it doesn't, at least after the first few months. Those first few months are bliss. Babies sleep a lot, and they usually don't care where they are. But give it time. Soon they will start fighting it and it doesn't matter how tired they are, they will resist sleeping at all costs. Get them on a schedule early on and get them used to sleeping in their crib early on. Even if you use a bassinet when they are newborns, have them take naps in their crib, so when they outgrow the bassinet they will already be used to their crib. Let them learn to fall asleep on their own, otherwise your life will be miserable. When you know they are getting sleepy, put them in their crib while they are still awake so they can get to sleep on their own. If kids learn good sleep habits when they are babies, that will carry through during childhood and even adulthood. I recently read an article (and I can't remember where) that said children who have sleep problems usually grow up to be adults who have sleep problems.
Sleep is very important in keeping kids in good moods and, when they get in school, for learning. A well rested kid is a happier kid and learns better than a tired one.
I have to admit that we are the envy of our friends and relatives because our kids sleep so well. I can't believe so many of them say to us, "You are so lucky that your kids sleep good." Well, we aren't lucky. It took some work to get them to sleep good and we made some mistakes along the way.
This is going to be long, so now that you know my advice, you really could stop reading now, unless you want the detailed information on each of my kids, which may be boring to most people.
Since Carson was the first, I held him constantly for months; therefore, he got to where he wouldn't sleep unless he was being held. Well, that was fine for the first little while, but when he was nine months old and I couldn't get a freaking thing done because I had to hold him or he wouldn't sleep, I had to take drastic measures. I admit, I let him cry it out. The first day he cried for two and a half hours, the second day he cried for 10 minutes, the third day he cried for five minutes and from then on he didn't cry at all. Now, I admit that the two and a half hour crying session about did me in, and I was telling a woman at work how guilty I felt about it and she said, "Why? It's not like he's ever going to remember it or hate you because of it." And guess what? He is now seven years old and he goes to bed when it's time, sleeps great and she was right, he doesn't hate me. Another mistake we made with Carson was playing a tape of lullabies for him at bedtime. It got to where he would listen to the tape and when it was over he would yell at us to start it over. We would have to start it over up to three times a night before he would go to sleep. It was ridiculous. I don't recommend music or any kind of sleep machine because then they have to have it. My mom is so used to using a sleep machine that if she goes out of town and forgets to bring hers she has to go buy a new one or she can't sleep. I would hate that.
With Hayden I already knew the mistakes I had made with Carson so I started working on him early. Of course, in the beginning I did hold him a lot when he slept (you can't help it with a newborn), but I still had him take most of his naps in his crib. He slept in our bed for the first few months. I know it's not recommended to let a newborn sleep in your bed, and I'm totally not recommending it, but I was so exhausted that I couldn't wake up during the night to feed him. I was breastfeeding, so when he would wake up to cry I would just whip it out, get him latched on and fall asleep until the next time he cried, then I would switch sides and do it again. I honestly don't even know how long he fed during the night because I was asleep. The reason I was so tired was because my dad was dying and the day after I got home from the hospital I would wake up, get the boys ready and go to my parents' house all day every day until he died. It was really hard. Anyway, I never did let Hayden cry because he learned very early on that when it was time to sleep, it was time to sleep, and when it was time to sleep, he slept in his crib (after the initial exhaustion period on my part).
As for Amaya, we had to handle things differently because with her being adopted and not a newborn we had to resort to other methods. When we were still in China with her she took naps and went to bed at night perfectly, but as soon as we got home it was a totally different story. I think most of it had to do with the time change. The first night she slept fine. The second night she didn't sleep at all (neither did the boys) and we were totally exhausted because of the major jet lag. By the way, why did we not feel any effects of jet lag when we went to China but when we got home it was unbearable? Anyway, by the third night I was ready to kill myself because I couldn't take the lack of sleep anymore. So what I did was put her in her crib, leave the room, and when she started crying, which was immediately, I went back in and rubbed her back and sang to her until she stopped crying. I didn't pick her up, but I was touching her and singing to her. As soon as she stopped crying, which sometimes took a minute or two, I walked out again, and she would start crying immediately so I would go back in and repeat the back rubbing and singing. I must have walked in and out of her room 500 times that night. Finally around 4:00 a.m. I walked out, went in my room, and fell asleep for 20 minutes. I don't know if she was asleep or awake, but I was able to be out of her room for 20 minutes. Then she woke up again so I went in again. She cried a couple of times more, but finally she fell asleep, and guess what? After that night she took her naps and went to bed at night without crying at all, and almost two years later she is an excellent sleeper.
We really are lucky to have three such great sleepers. It wasn't always easy, but it was so worth it. Now they all go to bed at 8:00 and that gives them plenty of sleep and lets us have a few hours to ourselves to get much needed things done around the house before we go to bed.
My advice is train (I know it sounds like I'm talking about a dog here, but I'm not) your kids to be good sleepers and it will benefit them throughout their childhood and into adulthood, not to mention helping you keep your sanity.